i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
