we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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