well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
