A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
