I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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