did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I need help removing her.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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