You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need a beard to bite.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
