my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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