I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
