I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.