I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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