quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I had to cum in my sink.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
