i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need a beard to bite.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
