FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
