Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
