kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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