If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize