when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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