too bad you live with your parents still
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
