Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
