Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
