I am puke
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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