He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I cut my penus on the lid.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
