i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize