it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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