I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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