guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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