Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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