I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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