Cold hands, warm shart.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
