wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
