great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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