drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize