Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
