The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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