I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
