just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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