TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
