Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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