Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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