3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This is not my ceiling
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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