i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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