don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
