Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
