My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize