So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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