I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
