Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
