i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize