i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
