Define "chronic" masturbator.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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