after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
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she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
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yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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