I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
barbara walters just said penis...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
