listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
