Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
