Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
