Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
