You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
