eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize