My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
