That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
