At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize