During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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