I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
