thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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